February 16, 2006

Packages

Zoe Box

The best thing about moving away, besides the warmer weather, may be receiving boxes, packages, cards and mail. Zoe thinks the packaging fits her perfectly.

Snow sailing

Hunter 27

SnowflakeSunday morning, driving home from work, snow streamed past my windows. It could have been a blizzard! Ofcourse, this is Georgia so it was a mere sprinkling, but still mighty exciting. SB had picked me up, in his jammies (how saintly). I shot a very embarrassing short film featuring a bed head SB talking about the snow. He’ll be happy to know I will not be showing that.

Sadly, snow proved difficult to capture in a still form. The best I have is a slightly blurry photo of some flakes in my hair. You’ll have to trust me that it was snowing at 7am on Sunday morning. In fact it was still snowing at noon, when I was once more awake, dressed and out in the world.

Why was I suffering on only three and a half hours? To sail! Lack of sleep, the coldest day we’ve ever had in Georgia, snow, none of this was going to stop us from our first Georgia sailing adventure. We are Wisconsin sailors and we can take it.

Our gracious host and a fellow sailor took us up to Lake Lanier, a huge man made lake north of Atlanta, for an afternoon of high wind excitement. The wind was a constant 20, with whitecaps spanning the lake. We tacked, we jibed, we sheeted. It was fantastic to be on the water.

We stayed out until our skipper complained of frostbite and then it was back to the car for hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnaps and homemade chocolate chip cookies.

On the drive home we found that we were all mighty hungry sailors. To celebrate our hardiness we ate steaming hot, spicy Indian curry. Snow, sailing, chocolate and curry. I couldn’t have asked for a better day!

February 8, 2006

30 celebrated

Birthday hair

Whew! Yesterday was a whirlwind of girly-girl-ness. I’m exhausted from all the primping and prancing. Yes, that is my hair, my new hair color. It is everything I asked it to be, “funky” and “wild”.

I posted a recap of my day in photos.

A few links to places I went yesterday:

So far 30 is great.

February 6, 2006

Goodbye decade 2

For the last day of my twenties I’m staying home, wrapped in a blanket, lounging around the house, like any good twenty-something would love to be doing on a rainy Monday afternoon.

While I wandered my rooms, poking at the cat, poking at SB, I did get in some reflection time. The most important lessons of my twenties, and ones I’m still struggling to fully internalize are, to be self aware, self preserving and to know that my career does not define who I am.

Over and over again I had to recognize and fight against abusive relationships, from internal, to inter-personal and institutional, that made me feel terrible about being me. On the flip side, I saw that I wasn’t always a nice person. I made and make mistakes. I do mean and foolish things both intentionally and unintentionally. However, I can own my faults and I can take responsibility for them. When I fully take responsibility for who I am and what I do, then I have power and knowledge. That has been an amazing realization and a key to self preservation and happiness.

Holly’s comment to my previous entry was spot on. With this new job I am trying to learn how to have a job that is just a job. It is simply a way to pay the bills. It does not define who I am. It is not a measure of my success. I do not need to take it personally nor do I need to take it home with me. This is all easier in theory. Until Holly pointed it out, I hadn’t considered my mid-western work ethic. I like to pretend I am not particularly mid-western, that I am some blank, American but not too American woman. Of course, this flies in the face of this whole self awareness thing I supposedly learned in my twenties. I guess I’m still learning it.

My twenties were also a time of terrific friendships, big adventures and plenty of travel. Yes there have been many times of deep sadness, but more often I just couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I have dreams for the future and the beginnings of plans but I don’t know what will happen. I am so glad to know what I know now and to know that I will keep learning and growing and being and laughing.

Wow, existence is a fantastic trip.

Overnight blues

This has been a special work week for me, as I’ve had four overnight shifts in a row. I’m just starting my fourth night now. The same malaise that overtook me during the holiday season, when I worked a few weeks of overnights, has returned.

All those same feelings of hopelessness and pointlessness are back. My job is a meaningless drudgery. My whole career path has led me to this dead-end. I have no skills. I have no talent. I am the bluest of blue. As Anne of Green Gables says, “I’m in the depths of despair”.

I think these feelings come out of sleep deprivation, sunlight deprivation and the low level of work stimulation on the overnight shift. Most nights it is just me, in a huge empty room, with a security guard passing by every 30 minutes. Other nights I have one companion co-worker. It is quiet and dark, the only light coming from monitors and overhead fluorescents.

In the morning I start my weekend, where I will re-set my clock, return to sunshine and daylight. I know that once I’m back to days things won’t seem so bad. In the short-term I need to find a solution for overnight blues. In the long-term I need to get off this shift schedule.

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